‘I never did drugs, I did love’

February 9, 2014

The title is from Jeanette Winterson’s beautiful memoir ‘Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?’ which I consider the best book I have read in 2013. Jeanette Winterson beautifully explores her difficult childhood, the relationship with her abusive mother and her journey into adulthood. I will certainly return to discuss this book again, because it is so rich and powerful, but for this week I wanted to share some thoughts on love, as inspired by the insights offered in this important book.

jeanette winterson

A number of studies attests to this: love can be like a drug. Do you remember experiencing this? Intense, passionate, vibrant love. The one you get as a teenager, as a young adult, when your body is programmed to feel everything in its utmost degree. The one that fills you up and dries you out. The colourful love: walks in the rain, drinking bad coffee, capturing the moments in film, slow kissing under the moonlight, promises under influence, swimming in deserted waters, driving into the unknown, stopping for a distressed hedgehog on a busy high way.

The perfect love: the future seems big and bright, nothing is out of reach and that’s your only friend. You stayed up together doing absolutely nothing and you could have sworn that this was the most exciting thing you have done in a long time. Truth is that you were already full, but you just had that extra slice of cake just to spend a few more moments together. And, by the way, do you know how long a day is? It is excruciatingly long. And you only know that because, when you had quarreled with your friend, you could not talk to them for a whole day. Do you remember how long that felt?

Illustration by Louiza Kaimaki

Illustration by Louiza Kaimaki for the book I Aria Allazei Kosmous

The urgent love: the love that can’t wait. Because you didn’t know you could love someone this much, and you worry that you might stop wanting them that much, and you fear that you might not always wait for them with such eager, childlike anticipation. And when you kiss at a rock concert, don’t even blink, because when you open our eyes, you might stop being a kid.

The impossible love: fighting, resisting, disappearing.

The persistent love: love notes forgotten in books, a pair of vintage earrings, dried out flowers, daily bittersweet reminders.

Love & loss.

My fairytales were full of ‘happily ever afters’ and never said anything about the moment you grow out of love. Where do you go then?

Falling out of love is the greatest defeat.

Illustration by Louiza Kaimaki

Illustration by Louiza Kaimaki for the book I Aria Allazei Kosmous

Have you read any books on love in the past or recently that have resonated with you? What insights have they offered you? Give your reading suggestions and share your words of wisdom below!

 

 

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33 comments

  • Marios

    I always read Harry Potter to help me relax. Despite that
    I read the books multiple times, still they help me relax.
    I remember this quote from the last book:
    “where your treasure is, there your heart be also”.
    -Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

  • Shana Miller

    true love never dies because true love is a choice. our fickle human hearts can not love forever on their own 😉 Ah love is definitely a drug! im so blessed to have true love in my life!

  • Andrea Marcou

    The first book about love which comes to my mind is love and misadventure by Lang Leav , every single one of the poems is amazing and the way she describes love (and also heartbreak) is very unique.
    I could relate to almost everything she said which I found a bit weird but also quite amazing.

  • Maria Petrides

    “It is love the subject loves, not the object” – Roland Barthes

    I’m sharing here a short short story published at SMITH Magazine in 2012. Hope you enjoy it!

    http://www.smithmag.net/moment/story.php?did=310210

    • Saba Idris

      I read the story and enjoyed it… It was about the transience of everything including love.

      That’s how I feel about love as well. The first thing I believe about love is: It is overrated. Next, one hardly ever loves another selflessly for the rest of their lives. They might have passion for another person for some time, but it changes with time.

    • Louiza

      Maria, I love the story!

  • Gabriella Evangelou

    The first thing that came to my mind after reading this post is a quote from the book Looking for Alaska by John Green. Such beautiful words of love…

    “I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was hurricane.”

  • Tamuna

    The first book about love which comes to my mind is of course Shakespeare’s ,,Romeo and Juliet”, which showed us that true love is related to admiration, respect and sacrifice of sweethearts. Also I want to mention film ,,Sabrina” ‘s 1959 version, where timeless Odry and real gentleman Humphrey Bogart’s nice love story is depicted in a professional manner. Except them, thanks to brilliant and masterpiece Mexican T e l e novella ,,Corazon Salvaje” 1993 version with Eduardo Palomo and Edith Gonzalez, I realized what the true feeling of love means. They depicted celestial love story, which admired nearly whole world I would say definitely and I advise strongly to everyone to see it. This love story is about Mexican sailor Juan Del Diablo and beautiful aristocrat Monica’s magical, captivating love.

  • Tamuna

    ,,Coarzon Salvaje” 1993 version soundtrack is Manuel Mijares’s song ,,Corazon Salvaje”;

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEAvV89W_7Y

  • Pandelis

    I believe that love from others is the gift we receive when we love our selves. Not with the arrogant narcissist love of selfish people that only seek to maximize their wellbeing at any cost, but with the love that is based on accepting our own weaknesses and recognizing our own strengths.

    When we know and appreciate ourselves more then we take care ourselves more. Then, we become more attractive to others, more as a by-product of our own positivity than a ‘desperate’ seek. And when we love and appreciate ourselves more then we also appreciate our own company. Instead of fearing loneliness we start to appreciate and enjoy our solidarity. And then, we become a better company to people around us! And then we have company as a by-product of our love of our selves than the tendency to ‘chase’ people that we like or we think we like.

    In order to demonstrate this, I chose a quote of a famous person that was loved for not what she was, but for what she could give.

    “I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” ― Marilyn Monroe

    • Michelle

      Interesting choice of quote but yes if someone can’t handle our worst they most definitely don’t deserve a glimpse of our best side. Self-knowledge and a formed character is essential for healthy love. Quoting Oscar Wilde “I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person”
      However, today’s narcissism is heavily embedded in our lives, characters and mentality. Trends and mainstream have created monsters in a time where girls can’t be alone and constantly seek the misinterpereted concept of love, fearing the world single like the plague. And with every action comes a reaction therefore the result to the easiness boys have with girls that eventually destroys any evidence of mannerism and savoir vivre on how to treat women. I’m not trying to be sexist or one-sided but I do believe that due to the heavy influence of today’s media superpower with the constant exposure of wrong ideals and what not, poor girls get confused and don’t know whether to choose booty shorts or crop tops.

      • Pandelis

        I agree with the Media superpower influence, but I must say that it stands for the boys that are also susceptible to abnormally strong superheroes and manhood standards that want them to hide their emotions. I do not try to excuse anyone’s behavior here – any person that hurts another is accountable for his or her actions no matter what the influences were – just to provide ‘the other side” of your argument.

        Having said that, note that we always have a choice, if not younger then older to draw a line on the external influences and be the person we can be and not the ones the others expect us to be.

      • Saba Idris

        I think that in the old times too girls/women were treated badly but then it was thought that the fault was with the girl. and thus the fact hardly ever got out of the house. But now with education, girls have somewhat become braver in facing society’s criticism and believe in telling their side of the story.
        Long story short: I don’t believe there ever was a time when girls were seen with respect or treated with proper manners. Of course there may be some men in a million who had been brought up right

  • Olivia

    Hi!

    When I think about a book, in which love is a big topic I think of “Jane Eyre” by Charlotte Bronte or “Pride and Prejudice” by Jane Austen.
    Especially “Jane Eyre” has made me kind of a woman. Her thoughts, feelings and pleasure for books, family and friends make me so melancholy and upset, but I also feel joy and life in it!
    And the most beautiful and strongest quote I know of “Jane Eyre” is:

    ““I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.”

    Are you as well?

    Greetings, Olivia

  • Michelle

    Basically, love’s whirlwind has taken us all up with it at one point in our lives and how true can it be that it does more heartbreak than health. However, no matter what kind of pain it gives you and no matter how black it turns your world, it is a lesson. Despite me not being this type of thinker usually (the type that always looks on the bright side), this is something I have come to believe strongly. Drawn from my own experiences and conclusions I say it loud and clear but not like a quote we like but don’t really understand the depth it really hides when we say it.

    Love is a funny thing. Love is Beauty. When we all tend to talk about love being cruel or how it batters our hearts into swelling bags of wheezing something, I dare say that love has nothing to do with it. Love on its own is pure and the only thing it can offer a person is something on the positive side of life. The rest is not up to love. It’s mindlessness that hurts us and pride. It’s selfishness and grudges. I don’t know about you but I don’t see love relating to any of these.
    Michelle

  • Shana Miller

    It seems that whatever the topic is, my fave series by Ted Dekker, the Circle series, covers it. the love and romance in this series is strong, passionate and true!!

  • Maria Copley

    Love is the name of the road on a journey to know yourself. I have loved many times. I have chosen to love many times. Other times, I have chosen no to love, even against my feelings

    Other times, I prefer to live in love but conscious of the feeling. Love is everything to me. However, sometimes it is dormant waiting for that special kiss to awake. But in my dreams is always there, I find it in midst of candid fresh aromas. I find it in the morning dew. I love love and feeling in love.

    I love life and all things I am part of. I thank God and his Angels for all their gifts to me, They are all gifts of love. I love you God and love you Angels.

    Happy Velentine’s Day! It will be tomorrow. In Mexico, we celebrate this day as “El Dia del Amor y la Amistad” (The day of love and friendship). <3 <3<3<3

    • Maria Copley

      Love is the name of the road on a journey to know yourself. I have loved many times, sometimes as a choice, other times I have just fallen in love. Other times, I have chosen no to love, even against my feelings.
      In general, I prefer to live in love but conscious of the feeling. Love is everything and all things in life to me, study, work, all things in life for me have to be acknowledged with love. However, when it comes to romantic love, it is now dormant waiting for that special kiss to awake. But in my dreams is always there, I find it in midst of candid fresh aromas. I find it in the morning dew. I love to love and feeling in love.
      I love life and all things I am part of. I thank God and his Angels for all their gifts to me, They are all gifts of love. I love you God and love you Angels.
      Happy Velentine’s Day! It will be tomorrow. In Mexico, we celebrate this day as “El Dia del Amor y la Amistad” (The day of love and friendship). <3 <3<3<3

    • Louiza

      What a beautiful comment, Maria!

  • Saba Idris

    I think everyone here has related to love with other human beings. But when I read the title, the first kind of love that came into my mind was that of Hedda Gabler in Henric Ibsen’s play of the same name. She wasn’t in love with a guy but in love with power and with herself. What she wanted was an opportunity to use the great amount of energy contained within her. Her dilemma was that she was from a society that didn’t accept authoritative women. women were not independent in those times. However the love/passion she felt was amazing. it was as intoxicating and powerful as a drug.
    The most important thing to me is also to be an independent being, powerful enough to take care of my own self. I do not believe in love stories like Romeo and Juliet or Pride and Prejudice. I believe in Eystesia Vye’s struggle to get out of Egdan Heath and Nora’s decision of leaving her husband 🙂

  • Maya

    I know I’ve mentioned this book before, but Rob Ryan’s This Is For You is truly beautiful, and really helped me come to terms with what love is.

    I also really like this quote by Lemony Snicket:
    “I will love you as a thief loves a gallery and as a crow loves a murder, as a cloud loves bats and as a range loves braes. I will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence and as justice loves to sit and watch while everything goes wrong. I will love you as a battlefield loves young men and as peppermints love your allergies, and I will love you as the banana peel loves the shoe of a man who was just struck by a shingle falling off a house. I will love you as a volunteer fire department loves rushing into burning buildings and as burning buildings love to chase them back out, and as a parachute loves to leave a blimp and as a blimp operator loves to chase after it.”

    And this one by Dr. Seuss:
    We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and all in mutual weirdness and call it love.

    xx

  • Anastasia

    Pablo Neruda, from ‘100 Love Sonnets’:
    “I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.”
    sheer love:)

  • Chrisdem

    I was in love once. That silly, great, tormenting and amazing feeling, but my story did not have a happy ending.

    I was young, too young to handle the emotions that flowed between us and in the end I ran scared. Typical commitment issues. I finally decided to face my demons, the source of my commitment issues. I managed to overcome them (or at least I believe so) and went searching for my lost long love.

    I found the same beautiful, strong and independent woman I met years ago, only now she would not have me back. I tried to get close to her and earn her love. I almost succeeded, but in the end I crashed and burned. She told me in tears she could not be with me again. She couldn’t let me in. I don’t blame her. I understand.

    Whenever people mention love, I immediately think of the below.

    I want to feel my soul being attracted to yours.
    I want to feel my mind numbing with thoughts of you.
    I want to feel my heart skipping a beat as it recognizes you.
    I want to feel my body shivering to yours.
    I want to block out the world and travel to where you take me.
    I want you.
    But most of all, my deepest desire?
    To feel you wanting me, to feel you needing me.
    Just as I do.

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